And we go on and on, thinking that saying will give us a different feeling or give us an answer, and we just sit there and think to our self being of now what such I do now, how such I feel now, how am I going to make a change or feel better about myself and well being. The power of life, the power that makes us have so many questions that we have no answers or will get answers to them. I sometimes think to myself in a way that I wonder about where I am in life, now what, what can I say what can I do, should I feel different or the same, such I react fast or slow. Should I be looking for a soulmate or such I just stop looking? Now what, but I believe that I should just wonder and never answer myself, because answering myself will led to more questions and if I am honest I sometimes rather not have any answers, some people cry, some people dream, some people sleep, some people stay up, some people die, and now what? What should I end my life with? Maybe a big bang, or a dream? A look? Or a deal?
As deep as the ocean, so unknown, yet we could only imagine the first time I ever seen her was the most Dearing time. The day had just started as any other my alarm next to my bed had just played my favorite song Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran, believe me my love for Ed sheeran is that big that it could awake me up every morning. I got out of bed thinking and saying pretty much the same thing, “My life in three words”? Brush my teeth, pants, shoes, shirt, and keys. Run to the car because of course I am always running late, in my favor some researcher say that people who are running late are most successful so if I’m lucky then, yay! During my lunch break I for some reason went to buy Bubble Tea in my city, I got there during the rush so it was fair to say the word pack. I was stand in line behind the I guess 10th person, just on my phone you what most people do scroll up and down in their Facebook, Instagram, and twitter looking at literally nothing. The line seemed to not be moving and well I was getting tired of waiting but I have waited this long to leaving single handed. Then out of nowhere this soft most gentle voice “It’ll be worth the wait”. I turned around to see a dark brown haired, hazed eyes, lips so defined, hourglass body shaped, lady behind me I could swear I kept my mouth open as I looked at her for a minute but I rather not remember embarrassing myself, I could barley speak and finally words had escaped my lips “Oh gosh yes, I hope so I have wanted this for days” ya I know I couldn’t believe that was the best thing I could come up with. Well could I be blamed, 90% of that time I was staring into her eyes and lips as she spoke. Her name, Greta even the name was such a beauty and I believe I had more to discover from her ever inch. We had a rather long conversation in the time being, I didn’t even worried about getting back in time, work? Forget it there are more jobs a lady like this no other. I asked for her number at the end and later that week I asked Greta on a date, she toke my offer. Since that day I been lucky, the times she wears high heels and walks like a model, she walks like she owns every place she walks into, months went by the night I toke Greta dancing and had my hands around her hourglass body and I had dived so many time into the ocean to know every inch so I thought but every day there is something new about Greta and I enjoy discovering it. Greta’s body is something, Greta’s soul is something else, Greta’s voice is a killer, and I love every inch of Greta’s body.
Since I was a fetus the belly I most have known that I was going to be attach to you forever. I don’t remember well see I was just a fetus, no one even had an idea of if I was going to be a male or female, be since that second you found out you loved me. I have been growing and growing through out the years and you have been there in all my birthdays, all the aches, all the I love you, all the I hate you. All the rude things that I may have said, all the beautiful things that I have said, through out the years I have thought about getting my own place, kids, college, friends, lovers, live but I have never put a lot of thought to Death, the thought of losing someone a love one and mostly in ever losing you. Mother I will not bare to lose you I can’t and I won’t, I have been a part of you since the first day. The thought that I rather not ever bring it up is because I don’t want to believe that it’s a part of life, why will we have to deal with it eventually? I do not want to get to the point of go in my friends mothers’ funeral and being scared to death of when your time is up. As long as you are in this earth with us I will not have that thought brought up, and will not let a frown be will you, only always happiness. I will for always be your baby, your little one and all your little ones will love you.
Sitting and staring at walls, at a screen, at a empty room, or just a plain look. Now sometimes I like they way it feels and I think sometimes it’s for the better some staring can just let you think or not think whatever you feel like doing. Time, a best and worst thing you could have you could have a million things to do and no time for it. Every time you have great things going on take a look around and stare and see all the good things. And when thinking gets to the point of what am I doing? Where is my life going for this point on you just remember everything happens for a reason what are the reasons oh who knows! Since we always try to make everything have a purpose we use that I say just go with it I mean why not? Go through this boring live doing boring this why not? Or maybe just have fun sometimes? Blame me if I watch the movie instead of the book. Those who read the book or watch the movie, the ice cube or ice crushed, the clear cups or dark cups. I mean sometimes I don’t even know which one I am but who really thinks about it. Also the love of writing I have but when you don’t really do anything with all that does it mean something at. Same thing with everything else in people’s life some thing means a lot, and some mean just enough. Then we have when light means to see but the blind would beg a differ, or when we say ocean waves make the best sounds but the hearing would beg a differ.
It’s a feeling that sometimes is hard to explain, understand and live with. Sometimes it is so unreal it seems fictional and sometimes so real as if you could see it. Many of us have felt it, many have ignored it, many have acted on it. People all over the world may say love and trust go hand by hand, I on the other hand believe in a rather different myth/thought whatever you may choose to call it. See throughout many years ago there has been many stories of love, I enjoy reading some, listening about some even as you can tell writing about some and know that I love this story. Orpheus and Eurydice a tragic love story it is said in many tells that these two were so inlove that the whole village would talk among themselves and would say things like they are so cute together so inlove too bad that it won’t last. Sounds like a horrible thing to say from people, truth is that the Greeks believe that no one on earth could be happy all the time without something bad happening and soon to be true that wasn’t a myth. Eurydice was killed, how? That is a different same story that I will not get into feel free to read all about it, I’ll upload the whole story later. Now here is my point; Orpheus the son of Apollo who played beautiful music through his heart, his talent it could touch anyone. When he found out that Eurydice was killed he was so crushed, upset that he went to the underworld looking to get her back. He played his heart through Death, the three headed dog, Hades Queen, and Hades. The only thing that Hades asked of Orpheus to get Eurydice back was that Orpheus would walk out the underground world reaching the top where the light would hit them with Eurydice following him, but he was not allowed to look back. Simple right? Well Eurydice was dead, she was a soul you couldn’t hear her, Orpheus couldn’t hear her steps as he was walking out the underworld, at the end just a few steps from reaching the light, he looked back. Eurydice was pulled back down to Hades and never seen again by Orpheus, this story might just have been a myth all along but I believe if this were to happen to me or any other human we would have done just the same we would have looked back. Orpheus did not trust Hades word, and that Eurydice was following him, their love could have been the strongest but Orpheus distrust was way greater and powerful in this case. Love is a strong feeling, but having trust is impossible if we can’t even trust ourselves to do the right thing sometimes.’
This might sound a bit off for some but have you ever been so confused and stressed about something, someone or even yourself. I mean ya right? You maybe working on some work, a project even just making your bed. Yes! Make your bed, even if you were to tell someone that you had a hard time making your bed they would look at you like you are insane like they have never heard something so much crazier than that. I am here to say that, it actually does happen to many of us sometimes a simple task seems impossible. It may seem like that because I mean you have had the longest week, you have battle through everyday monsters some of which we create ourselves making it everyday, and one day you wake up, your bed is a mess and as you start fixing it you take a deep breathe and want to craw back into it. Some answers you may give yourself for what you are feeling; I most be depress,stress, or just becoming insane. I am here to let you know you need it, that deep breathe and I hate my life moment, the I just want to lay down for a day and watch my life go by thought. That stress and over wellness is what may actually remind you, that you are still alive, and making it because there is many of us who just cannot bare and do not make it. Everyone has that moment, after a breakup, a lost of a person we love, a loss of a job, the living check by check can’t get a break, everyone has a different moment and when that moment comes don’t just “get over it.” Do take a deep breathe because that just might be all you need at the moment.’
The day that you may, want to take me with you and take my last breath do it now or later whenever, I just ask for you to do it in a second because I know where you are taking me. The cold yet burning place that, and I’ll be heartless but I tell you I have been cold and heartless way before you’ll come to get me and believe me when I say I will not feel the pain. I have not felt pain I do not think it’s even real and if there is it will be for a second. I have not cared for my mistakes and pleasing those around me for what I care, Cause you can do the and try not to make mistakes and once you make one that’s the day you will see the backs of the people. You most be thinking what is the point of me letting you know this well, I am just saying I will not care or feel so do not waste you time and take me in a beat for that one second is all you’ll need. I know that the place that I am going to will be of heartless ones too but we have started for the good.