This might sound a bit off for some but have you ever been so confused and stressed about something, someone or even yourself. I mean ya right? You maybe working on some work, a project even just making your bed. Yes! Make your bed, even if you were to tell someone that you had a hard time making your bed they would look at you like you are insane like they have never heard something so much crazier than that. I am here to say that, it actually does happen to many of us sometimes a simple task seems impossible. It may seem like that because I mean you have had the longest week, you have battle through everyday monsters some of which we create ourselves making it everyday, and one day you wake up, your bed is a mess and as you start fixing it you take a deep breathe and want to craw back into it. Some answers you may give yourself for what you are feeling; I most be depress,stress, or just becoming insane. I am here to let you know you need it, that deep breathe and I hate my life moment, the I just want to lay down for a day and watch my life go by thought. That stress and over wellness is what may actually remind you, that you are still alive, and making it because there is many of us who just cannot bare and do not make it. Everyone has that moment, after a breakup, a lost of a person we love, a loss of a job, the living check by check can’t get a break, everyone has a different moment and when that moment comes don’t just “get over it.” Do take a deep breathe because that just might be all you need at the moment.’
The day that you may, want to take me with you and take my last breath do it now or later whenever, I just ask for you to do it in a second because I know where you are taking me. The cold yet burning place that, and I’ll be heartless but I tell you I have been cold and heartless way before you’ll come to get me and believe me when I say I will not feel the pain. I have not felt pain I do not think it’s even real and if there is it will be for a second. I have not cared for my mistakes and pleasing those around me for what I care, Cause you can do the and try not to make mistakes and once you make one that’s the day you will see the backs of the people. You most be thinking what is the point of me letting you know this well, I am just saying I will not care or feel so do not waste you time and take me in a beat for that one second is all you’ll need. I know that the place that I am going to will be of heartless ones too but we have started for the good.
Blame me, blame me shall you or shall you not, what does it matter anyways. I unlike ya’ll have spent not years, not days but I have been trying to please my father that whom no one or anything is good enough for him, since the beginning of time. My story has been told a billion times, yet no one can sum it all up to making it into one original movie could ya’ll, oh little petty mortals. Now don’t be bitter at the things I am rather insulting you with, I mean what would you expect from Lucifer, Devil, Satan, Prince of Darkness, and so on oh please go ahead besides my father gave you the power to do so. Now here I go, believe me or not but this will make you question all of him and all of you.
My father has always wanted the best, everything he made, when he decide to make angels he thought every detail of me. Father made me perfect head to toe made me the most beautiful I was the best angel, I was the son he spent time on. He messed up, or did he? Father had a plan from the beginning, the problem he made me too perfect angels were made to follow him. I was not I never wanted to follow anyone and I never wanted to be followed, I had Ideas I wanted a universe were no one shall follow no one where there was no god. Father had that power of being follow he didn’t hate it, my ideas grow some of the other angels agree that made father even more bitter. Until one day he cast me out of heaven into hell the darkness, the fire, all the dead souls crying like wolves for days.
Since the day I was cast into hell my job has been punishing dead souls for their little failings, those whom at one point blame the failings on me I mean why on earth would I make ya’ll petty humans do things I rather find outrages. I still work for my father; I was made to do the job he wanted to do but wasn’t meant to do because father is good old god and him hurting souls seems out of their mind. who is the evil one? I am, my father is and you are, the perfect was always made to be an imperfect plan, my father is God has the power to do whatever he please he could have just killed me and made me again instead he gave me one of the most important/evil jobs in his empire. My father created two empires Heaven and Hell, now has passed that empire to me, understand I am not responsible for your failings, they disgust me and I am not please and when you reach me I will make you pay. You will be dead and I will have your souls, but you will still feel, and you will be hurting till the day, I stop being Lucifer. I may be evil for punishing souls, the soul who made others suffer on earth, am I really evil? My father when he gave me this job does not think I am evil.’
A pool floor the size, covering 90% of the room winter comes no problem no need to worried the floor shield will cover over it, each day will be different. The different amount of faces day by day will really show what has come together to make this room worth every person be here. Oh gosh, these would be my words one day and I know that at this moment these words sound bigger than what they are but when the dreams come true the what seems to be big words now will be tiny then. Even if I wait 5 years, 10 years or even 20 I will raise greater than those who are leaving the life of flying at this moment when they see me in the air flying next to them they will be so shocked that they will fall for not waiting to see the power in me. Those whom once own me will one day will work for me. In the mean while I am diving in those who I will climb out that pool with me, and in the moment they say they can’t swim anymore I will be their lifeguard. It’s funny how the ones flying are also the sharks tearing us apart, the pattern is simple people who dream are in a sea full of sharks, those who actually know they can make it to the shore, climb the tallest mountain, when they reached the peak, looks into the sky with their hands out and lets free, spreading their wings and flying away. When they reach the others they are so shocked that they do fall but at the same time they see the power the joint of greed. Then all of the sudden most of them become the sharks at the bottom of the sea, not letting more fly to their dreams. Yes, those whom have fly become sharks, so have they really made it to the top?
I moved long ago although it still feels like I’m new, I know by now I should have met more people I am just too tired to try to be friends with anyone right now. Well I did met someone but we haven’t really talked other than a hi, bye, and see you later. Yet everyday there’s at least minutes/hours that I just think what would happen if I tried if I actually wanted to make her smile or laugh, would that make her think of me even a little? Either way every time I go by that window of hers as I walk up to her, see her long blonde hair and her thin body I melt and I feel as if I were an ice cube trying to stay cold in a hot summer afternoon in the desert. Lovely she looks, lovely she smells, lovely she talks and smiles, an angel made perfection from the lord, and honey I don’t even pray or go to church I been told I’m like the devil on earth for my sins. I sometimes think she looks at me in a way but what if I’m wrong? She could be into the same type of things I’m into, but why if she doesn’t like action movies, thrill movies but why if Sky likes all those things? I don’t want to be passing by that window and just wonder and wonder. This goes out to you Sky, I know you may not even notice the greatest crush I carry for you but I want to try and not just wonder and maybe it won’t work but you never know, know, until you know.
Gorgeous, I have not stopped thinking about you. Is this the part where I write a love poem about you? Nah, this time I’ll skip that part. Well see I’ll grow to love you deeply and at the end feel all very blue. Gorgeous I will walk with you holding your hand by the lakeside watching the sunset. Gorgeous we will get married to your favorite sounds of the beautiful sea. Spend our honeymoon at our beach house and run to the shore to get our toes sandy and wet. Believe me when I say I love you, when I kiss your forehead remember for how long to the time you close your eyes and open them up again. Gorgeous I want you to know that I want you to remember my hugs, the ones where I would whisper in your ear the words that made you fall in love. I love laying on your bedside. Gorgeous some how you are my everyday bread and drug. Keeps me going and so addicted to you at the sametime, is this even healthy. Anything that feels this strong most be.’
Yes I am hurting, it’s hard to see but I am, see I always feel like I’m not good enough like I should try harder until I collapse or so. I don’t want to hurt myself, I don’t want to hurt myself, why do I keep repeating it so many times if I don’t want to hurt myself? I mean yet if lets say if I were hypothetically think being in a car and crashing into a tree or going off the bridge, best case scenario would be I were to die, worst-case scenario would be if I were to live I know what thoughts may enter your mind. How is that that worst-case scenario if you would be alive?
Answers: I wake up in a hospital bed next to me my crying mother and a cop waiting to make a report. The reason, there’s just not any.
Me: How in the world am I still alive? How in the world will I pay the hospital bill? The car most be a toll! When can I get out of this bed? I mean not that I actually could before the crash when I was dealing with my depression, panic attacks and don’t forget good old stress. Oh wait, but I am alive what do I have to lose right?
- Car Crash=Broken Ribs, Leg, Neck
- Hospital=Hospital Bill
- Solution=Win or Lose?